i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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