honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
