I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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