I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
