Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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