i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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