No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
