just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
