No stitches, just platelets and will power
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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