Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
