Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize