I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
