everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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