If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
