She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
