Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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