Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
