i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
