remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize