Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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