I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize