I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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