yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
