Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
