So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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