You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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