thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
