Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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