she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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