fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
