You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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