I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize