The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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