Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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