nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
