I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Tell her she can't have a vagina
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
