Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
