i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
