...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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