he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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