It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am one with the molecules
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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