she was so not down for the gang bang
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
