everyone is single if you try hard enough
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
