im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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