i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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