I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
