fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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