i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
