I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
