my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
