I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
