Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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