whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
