put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
