This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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