its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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