i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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