I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
