I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
