I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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