Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
as a side note pls kill me
Text me some of your sweat
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
