Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
