I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
