i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
