He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
