I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
