I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
