i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just found a bag of teeth...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
