You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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