you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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