I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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