You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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