I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
