She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
