her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize