Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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