this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You may now shotgun with the bride
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
