he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
