im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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