I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
