The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
